The Littlest Flight Attendant 

If I become human, I’ll never be with my father or sisters again.


The interviews process is quite intricate but the bottom line is if they do not schedule you for a medical on the day of your F2F then absolutely consider yourself rejected. This process has clearly been designed by a psychological study so never let your guard down. Psych students should apply just for the co-op experience. 

First, apply online in the fall when do their hiring blitz. French/English fluency is the bare minimum and will only guarantee you least glamorous routes forever, so apply to Rouge instead. It will end up being the same thing. They need Mandarin, German and Arabic the most because anyone who speaks those languages gets hired by Cathay Pacific, of course. 

Second, ignore the video interview and wait for the phone call which will test language proficiency. Ace this!

Third, you will get an email to schedule the F2F. This is the most important part so bring your A game. Dress the part (hair in a bun, red lipstick, neckerchief, blue blouse, fitted blazer) and make sure you are ironed, pressed and dewy fresh. I’m dead, dead serious. Every frumpy girl was eliminated almost immediately. 

That day consists of FOUR main rooms. 

Room A: Arrive an hour early. Give them all your quals, exactly as they asked. Do not giggle, laugh or speak to strangers unnecessarily. Remain poised and focused like a Buddha. Say good morning constantly. Don’t suck up because it’s a waste of time at this point. 

Room B: F2F interview with a recruiter – basic questions where she takes notes. Be calm but watch your body language because no matter what you say, they are trained to agree with you. So if you say …” and then I murdered my boss with a letter opener” she will respond with “Sometimes it’s necessary!” Watch your mouth, keep your tone melodic and grammar perfect. When in doubt, stop speaking. 

Room C: The group interview. You will be given a scenario and asked to collaborate for a solution while three important people write notes. One of whom looks and sounds exactly like Ursula The Sea Witch (whom I adore, but only with a rhumba back beat). You will have less then a minute to prove you are a team player who is actively engaged. My personal belief is that the girl who made it was coached to say what she did. It was too on point and sounded like acting to me. The lone male in the room contributed absolutely nothing and he also made it, so draw your own conclusions.

Life’s full of tough choices, isn’t it?

Room D: This room is intended to schedule medical appointments. The dead giveaway is the high-tech laptop and a woman smiling way too hard.

If you fail – as I did – you will be brought to this final room with the other losers (look around, do they have their hair in buns?) and they will re-ask you a nonsense question, while being slightly rude. 

As the (different) wrinkled old crone did this, she flipped over each of our dossiers so that we could clearly read the negative comments from our group interview written on the back. Mine read: “not a team player” and the girl next to me read “not a team player, not interested“. These must be code words because what are the fucking odds that two people without the cooperation ability of feral wolves would be sitting side by side? Do not agonize over the loss. Truth be told, they are looking for Stepford Wives who will never question authority and happily serve alcohol in the air forever. They are never going to promote you to pilot. So become a pilot instead.

Now I am the ruler of all the ocean! The waves obey my every whim!


Shorts girls: you aren’t going to make it. They may have a second skill that you’ve read about but international aviation rules clearly stipulate that you MUST be able to complete the reach test. Also, optics. If they have a bunch of 5’6″s in heels – and then you! – it’s not going to work. Don’t drive yourself crazy. 

Their final request was that we keep the interview process confidential. I guess they were correct about that team player stuff, eh? 😉

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I’m reading “The People We Hate at the Wedding” by Grant Ginder … AND ITS A COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME #booksImreading

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I’m reading

#ThePeopleWeHateattheWedding by #GrantGinder #booksImreading …try proofing for typos next time 😳

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I’m reading #AstrophysicsforPeopleinaHurry by @NeilTyson

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I’m reading “13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl” by Mona Awad @monaawad #13waysoflookingatafatgirl

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I’m reading “Final Girls” by Riley Sager #ILoveHorror

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I love a waist. 


“I love a waist!”, she gushed.

With joy, she blushed. 

A waist she waited for with baited breath 

Awaiting a bouquet trimmed with baby’s breath, 

to bring forth a baby from this tiny nest. 

Vive la jeunesse!
~

A waist defined between 

Him & Her 

Them & Us

Rich & Poor

(They aren’t us, believe it must)

~

Wasting away to make a waist

A waist that’s worthy

With worthy haste 

And in good taste 

To trod the pale ribbon to the sea. 

(Let’s walk the plank, bay-bee!)

~

Jack and Jill

Buck n Doe

His and Hears

Darlings, Deers

Queers and Steers

Hen’s night

Stag Knight

I hart you…

~

A wasted space 

Between thrill and taste 

Why bother, darlings

When imperfectly we trace, 

We love a waste!

Toward we raced this new world order.

Pas de la tristesse!

~

A waist as corporeal nirvana,

A wasted amandala.

A symbolic waist of spiteful taste.

How gauche,

How base. 

-An original #instapoem inspired by the wedding of Nell and Ted Wasserman in 2014 at Cap d’Antibes. 

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